I don't normally get to personal in my blog generally I limit it to things of interest to me. Instead of talking about feelings my real life. I have to get this off my chest so I can work through it and figure out just what I am going to do about it. In a lot of ways I am hoping it will help to just get it out as well. So this post may not be for everyone and if your not interested just skip past it.
Friday was awful. I had over slept and grabbed some clothing that I had only recently pulled out of storage. They had fit just fine when I put them away last year. Now of course I was running late so I didn't really stop to think to hard about what I was wearing or how it fit. after 30 minutes on the bus I knew they were tight a lot tighter than I had orginially thought. They pulled in odd places, which included the fly that would slowly work itself down as I sat at my desk. I felt so fucking FAT! it drove me nuts all day and I wanted to burn the damn shorts when I got home. To make matters worse as part of the Canada Day Celebrations they had these tubs of Jelly Beans all around the office. As I walked past I knew I shouldn't have them but every time I would always end up with a handful. As if my body didn't listen to my brain.
I'm a big guy and I have been for a long time. But I rare feel really fat. I'll feel heavy, I'll feel out of shape, but never fat. It was a really unpleasent experience but one that I am hoping will stay with me and be some amount of incentive towards working on weightloss again. lately it has felt as if it has been going in spits and spurts and I need to figure out some way to make it through and lose weight. I'm not happy at the weight I am and I have to do something about it.
So expect to see more on weightloss as the blog goes on.